its been way to long since i last posted....i dont have much to say most of the time. Im not too great about sitting down and writing down things. i need to star though cuz maybe it will help me think about things more and see things from both angles...
I feel kinda stuck in limbo right now. We dont have a date yet for when we are leaving so we dont know when our stuff will be packed up yet or dates for when we buy our tickets to get from Seattle to PA and Miami...so we are just waiting. The weather here has FINALLY been nice, but just hot, ill take that any day over the rain though! Today it got to around 95 probably, i checked at like 11 am and it was 93, but felt like 97 so im sure as the afternoon wore on it only got hotter. a friend and I walked off base to a chinese restaurant, i had chicken and cashews and some white rice, Boston loved the white rice! Im going to miss that little restaurant...its nice cuz the guy takes American money so we dont even need to take out yen to eat there!
im starting to feel a little sad about leaving here...i have so many memories on this base....so many memories in this house..makes me sad to leave. I know where i told Mike we were having a baby, know where i felt my first contraction, walked around this dang place at 2 am to get labor started, had Boston here at the hospital, know the first place i laid Boston down when we got home from the hospital, his first smile was here, first laugh, his first words, his first official step.....and we gotta leave it all behind...Boston wont remember this place, but i will....will he want to come back and see where he was born? will he feel sad when he grows up cuz he didnt have a connection here? Its definitly a bittersweet time. Im looking forward to starting our life in Abilene though....ready to live somewhere new and make new memories.
Im starting to wonder about the friendships i have made here too. Will they outlast moving and leaving them all behind? I have one really great friend here and one good friend. The one really great friend understands me to a T, shes such a awesome person and i truly think of her and her husband as family to Mike and I, we say we will keep in touch, visit, and all that but will we? is it one of those things that just gets left behind? I dont want to, but time has a way of changing people and relationships, will it outlast that? The good friend i have here drives me insane most of the time, but i love her too, we got through alot to be friends, but she just has such a strong personality thats its hard to really feel close to her without feeling judged cuz i do things differently....some of her parenting ways make me nervous...but thats a whole nother story...Shes actually from Texas too, and her and her husband are wanting to get somewhere in Texas when they leave next August so who knows...our paths might cross again someday...I dont know why but i didnt feel this sad about leaving PA and my friends there to come to Japan....
B is the bright spot in my life...his smile and screechy little way of saying MOM just puts a smile on my face, i want to be relaxed about this move for him, im so worried about this transition affecting him badly...im guessing thats normal for a mom to feel that way, but lately i just feel like my emotions are running wild lately.
Do you ever feel you are in a battle with yourself? that you are constantly just playing mind games with yourself? that you cant just get into a point of stability and calmness cuz your constantly freaking yourself out? That no matter what you do you wont win.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
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3 comments:
Welcome back! I know first hand what you're feeling. I mean, I don't have a child, but I have my own personal firsts here in Houston, as well as mine and Jason's firsts - where we met, our first kiss, the first time he told me he loved me, where he asked me to marry him, where we got married...I can completely relate. I am sorry that Boston isn't going to remember, but you never know - he may want to return to the place he was born.
I've learned through this experience (and I haven't even left Houston yet) that TRUE friendships WILL overcome a move. I have "friends" that know I'm moving and haven't made one effort to see me, and I'm leaving in 2 days. If they don't last, then at least you have the memories of where you were and who you experienced it with.
I feel as though I battle with myself every day. I try to tell myself that it's just part of being a woman and that I don't need meds (though, I probably do!) LMAO!!
It will be all good ;) Thats exactly how I felt leaving California, knowing Dom was conceived there, and EVERYTHING in his first year and a half, its amazing. Things will work out and you will have so much fun in Texas!!!
Where did you find it? Interesting read »
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