2 weeks time

The last 2 weeks and the next 2 weeks are going to be the most stressful ever and HAVE been the most stressful ever. Sometimes I feel like I want to wake up from this crazy dream and just feel normal again...

I cant even believe what has happened in the last 2 weeks, It has consumed my thoughts for the last 3 days and Im honestly tired of putting so much thought into it.

A little over 2 weeks ago I found out a friend here-who I trusted completely,we were pretty close, only known each other a little over 2 years but we became great friends- was lying to me, well not outwardly lying to me but certainly not being honest! As i confronted her about it and also gave her good, honest, friend advice about something she chose to take the low road and ignore my feelings and my advice, for her own "plan". She chose to tell me that friendship is unconditional and she doesnt put conditions on friendship-which shows what she knows because unconditional does NOT mean friendship or relationships without conditions! It means regardless of the conditions (ie. being open and honest with each other is a condition I look for in a friendship) you still love them, still care about them, still want to be their friend! I never wrote I couldnt be her friend because of her "lying" and hiding things from me, but I asked that she please not do that! She instead turned it around saying she doesnt do relationships with conditions....She told me "consider what you're throwing away" if i chose to not to be her friend and Ive come to the realization and told her that i wasnt throwing anything if this was the type of friend she was, to be able to do anything to her friend and I didnt have a say because friendship is unconditional (which means to her it CANT have conditions).

Im tired of sitting in bed and not being able to fall asleep because Im anazlyzing this over and over again...we arent friends anymore...havent talked for 2.5 days now and im honestly fine with that. I dont need a friend like that at all but I hate feeling like this awful person...My email to her explaining some feeling issues (over her starting a photography business behind my back/doing her prices BLATANTLY lower than mine/advertising where i advertise, after she said she wasnt advertising there/telling her family that me and her are going into business together (when she never mentioned this to me) and a few other issues) was a good email. I never was rude or mean, i just simply asked to her to explain to me why her photography business never got mentioned to me, why her LOVE of photography never got mentioned to me until I started my business here and then she decided she was starting one and told "we need the money"...oh yeah cuz im rolling the dough over here...

Photography is a passion of mine, one i have worked on for YEARS, one i will continue working on for YEARS, i have invested time and money into something i truly love and am certainly NOT in business for the money, its a huge perk to get paid for something i LOVE to do and seeing the happiness of peoples faces when they get a beautiful picture of their child or family means more to me than any money. I am hurt she is trying to steal business after she knows how much I have worked, how much this means to me...She was my only friend here, one I was counting on for support while Mike is gone...and i just feel betrayed, betrayed that she took my advice to "slow down, learn about photography, learn what you love about it, it takes time" as a way to betray me even more, and tell me she cant be friends with people who ask conditions of the friendship....excuse me if i want an honest friend! wow didnt know I couldnt ask that of a friend!

This all brings me to the next two weeks....

my hubby is leaving, deploying, I was going to be sitting here alone, In Texas with my two boys and my pregnant self...another friend who I have just recently started to get to know went home to have her baby with her family while HER husband is deployed. The friend I was counting on to be there for me, like I was there for her the beginning of this year while her husband was gone, will not be there because im asking too much of her. I have instead decided to go home, go to my family and enjoy spending time with them, have the support I need.

Im stressed to the max...my mom is flying in on the 3rd to drive with me home, hubby cant drive with us because its too close to him leaving for him to take vacation time. So my mom and I will drive, oh how much i am NOT looking forward to a 21 hour drive! lol. Thinking of what I need to bring/figuring out the cat situation all while I have to mentally prepare for my husband deploying again has set me into an emotional tailspin....im so thankful this next baby will NOT be born before Daddy comes home, he WILL be there for this little ones arrival in february and im more than grateful for that!!

but oh how much I just I could be calm, not cry at the drop of a hat...

This morning I was eating a bowl of cereal on the couch with Driver, i was sharing with him and the darn little toot would NOT sit down, i know-my fault for not eating at the table ;)- anyway he stood up, lost his balance and the whole bowl of cereal and milk ended up all over me....I bawled like a baby...seriously...over spilled milk (and cereal)