discouraged...

just need to vent a little--feeling discouraged in alot of things right now and i hate that :(

#1 is being a mom--im trying so hard to stay patient and calm and keep my voice down but i think Boston only listens when I raise my voice--i want to stop that! i want him to listen when i talk calmly to him and I know it has to begin with me making that change and im trying...but oh man im so overwhelmed lately...Driver is so dang cute but he is becoming a little mean guy and I dont like that--the boys seem to constantly bother each other and try to get each other riled up and im just blah....overwhelmed and discouraged with my parenting lately...i want and need to change, I just dont know where to go from here...

#2 gender disappointment--hate it---its getting worse as I get farther along, i can honestly and truly say it is not having to do ANYTHING with this sweet little boy inside of me, its more the desire for a girl has become so much stronger since finding out Im having boy #3....trying to reorganize my thoughts to accomadate this child into my desires and to push aside the desire of a girl is very hard and Im dealing with it all the time---i wish I could just get over it...I dont want sadness, I want complete joy! I dont want to feel like I have to have a 4th child just so I can get my GIRL, i want to be happy and content with 3 boys, ya know? Why was this desire for a daughter so strong if I was never meant to have one??? How do i fix this??? discouraged...

#3 my photography, am I doing something wrong?? I feel like I am, I feel like i *should* be getting business but I am not and that makes me sad....I have people back in Texas telling me they wish I was here to get pictures done for Christmas and oh how much I would LOVE the business but seriously if I was there would I still be booking?? I had almost 10 families interested in holiday pictures this year and I got one session....one, and I am so thankful for that one, it turned out so great but I want to do more! I want to busy and booked...I dont even know if there is a place for my work back home in Texas and im just feeling discouraged with it all. I just dont know what Im doing wrong with it all...

Im missing my hubby, ready to get back home...I dont like feeling so discouraged and *meh* about things...