i have so many things going through my head and nobody to talk to....hubby has been kinda distant lately, concentrating on his schoolwork and im guessig the stress of moving too....I didnt realize id be this stressed out with moving. When we moved over here i was *almost* glad to be leaving because of crap with my family at the time, it was a relief to me to be getting away on my own. But now im feeling so bad...so stressed and like i want to talk to people, people who i care about, but i dont even know where to start cuz honestly i dont know exactly what im feeling! I just feel trapped in myself and my feelings, not sure how to get out cuz i dont know whats wrong. I guess i feel like people just dont get ME lately, they are all in their own lives dealing with their own shit but just dont get Me at all, probably shallow of me to even want them to worry about me at a time where they are trying to think of themselves, but i guess i feel like i always or at least try to worry about them during their hard times too, making sure they are okay and being involved in whatever is making them stressed out. And i guess i just feel alone in this...maybe i put myself alone though? Im sure it is my fault, but how did i fix it if i dont know what i did?
I want to bring everything i love here with me to the states, there are only a few select people who really mean the wolrd to me here, who really get ME, who have become like family to me, and i want them all to just come with me....it breaks my heart to think of all the miles that will seperate us and know im just going somewhere to do it all again, make friends and leave again. The friends i had back in highschool are long gone....they never understand the military life or never put much effort into staying in touch with me...i tried to do the best i could but seriously what fun is it to be the one ALWAYS doing the calling or writing or emailing....come on a calling card costs how much, call me sometime....
I guess at a time like this you want your best friend in the world right next you, holding your hand, telling you it will all be okay, that they are there for you, and i just feel lost! i feel like im shoved up to a brick wall and the only way out is to push through the wall but i just dont have the strength to push through...i have no leverage to hold onto to push through this wall...
Thursday, September 28, 2006
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Amie you're almost done! Just hang in there. I think you will feel very relieved once you're landing in PA. Maybe you or the friends in question are subconciously distancing yourself/themselves because you're leaving. I know exactly how you feel having to walk away from that apartment where so many memories were made. Hugs to you. Nothing can really make it easier (although I wish I could say just the right thing to ease the stress and the sadness), but you will make it through.
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